From an early age it became apparent my son had over-attachments to things. He fell in love with Elmo at some point between 18m-2 years and sometimes got so excited when Elmo came on TV he would cry! This was soon followed by a Wiggles fanaticism. This one I fed because as a first time Mum this whole new world of stuff that made him happy- videos, concerts, musical toys- in turn made me happy too and encouraged his development.
Next came Thomas. That was the big one. He plunged himself into world of Thomas like he was an actual resident of the Isle of Sodor. He played with trains, slept with trains, babbled about trains, drew pictures of trains, wore Thomas shirts and pyjamas. That’s all anyone ever bought him. It started out very sweetly but this is when I became concerned. We were as yet undiagnosed and completely unfamiliar with the world of autism. My boy seemed to be on Sodor all of the time. Day and night. I wasn’t sure what it meant but it made me uncomfortable. He didn’t emerge for years.
Mario Kart Model by Mr12
Our son was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome by the middle of his first year at school. Around this time he discovered Lego, which was a relief for me because it helped his fine motor co-ordination and took his mind to a different place. Later there were other serial obsessions with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Thunderbirds, Wallace and Gromit, Ben 10, Bakugan, Bionicles and then at age ten he got his first Nintendo DS. Hello Pokemon, Mario and right now, Zelda. Harry Potter has snuck in too but to our eternal gratitude is the only reason to date Mr12 will so much as pick up a fiction book of that or (any size) willingly.
While there are advantages to our ASD kids having obsessional interests: it relaxes them, especially when they come home from school. They can be social ice-breakers, new acquaintances with mutual interests may be found, side-hobbies such as short movie-making develop. But there are also disadvantages, as well as the concerned comments from family.
There seems to be no end-point to this stuff. He has a wish list for us to purchase that never, ever ends and he can be very repetitive about it. Now that he has his gaming devices and a PC it is frustratingly difficult to get him away from them. It upsets me deeply how much effort it takes to disengage him. To my despair if I did not go in there and start requesting/ asking/ begging/ pleading/ bargaining/ demanding/repeating myself till I’m sick to death of both of us… he would, and has, spent an entire weekend attached to those devices, not leaving the house. Household involvement in terms of responsibilities can be major source of stress for all of us for all the same reasons listed.
What do you do in these instances? We have at this point only managed to place 2 technology-free days into the week. He does have two physical activity classes per week. Is it as much of an effort to separate your child from their ‘stuff’ when you need to and how do you place boundaries on it? What sort of rewards or incentives do you utilise?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Until my eldest was 15, there was a no technology in the bedroom rule. Facilitated by a lack of wireless access in the bedrooms! Laptops and gameboys were stored with Mum and you earned your screen time.
After that, our lives changed a lot with the addition of my partner and a few more children in the mix. Suddenly he was finding more need to be away from the younger children and we gave him that. By the time he left home, his life revolved around the internet and his games and friends.
Perhaps the fact he was socialising and finding his own way in the world finally meant he had to self moderate. But he seems to be quite agreeable and happy to converse these days… as long as he has prior warning of the time.
Go with your instincts. xx
Because we started Year 7 this year and it is so much more demanding, I’ve become more relaxed about letting Mr12 have his ‘cave time”. Same with solo parenting. Sometimes you just don’t have the fight in you. Mr12 cannot self-moderate as yet. Our plan long term, is to remove the temptation by having a lockable study nook OUTSIDE the bedroom in our next home. Gosh I hope it works. Thanks Carmen. – Twitchy
We make the interest the reward.
We put the timer on and give heaps of verbal warnings about when it and the screens are going off. We also let the boys have what they want after they’ve spent big chunks of time away like at school.
I think because they know they will have free access to their screens most of the time they are happy to do their jobs first.
We also play and work outside together and they like that too, but their have been times (especially during the holidays) that I have unplugged them and timed their whinging instead..
But my eldest is just 11, adolescents may be very different..
Also thanking you very much, original Thomas theme tune playing in my head….
oxox