Recently my younger two children have started attending child care once a week. I’ve written a little about that over here.
When my older children were little they attended Family Day Care. To start with it was challenging as I suspect it always will be, but they adjusted quickly and came to love their ‘other’ family.
I’m finding an entirely different experience this time around.
My small girl is upset when I leave, but I know she settles in fairly quickly. She is an independent little thing and I know the time away from me and with other children is great for her.
My Little Mate with autism is another kettle of fish. When I picked him up last Friday his eyes were red rimmed from crying. The entire experience is very overwhelming for him. I’ve done and am doing everything I can to help him settle in but I must admit there is a part of me that just wants to pull the pin. It hurts my heart to see him confused and upset.
That said, I also know that I need the respite time. We have no one else here to help out with him and he shadows me 24/7. HE needs to start separating from me a little as well.
I made up this sign type thing to pop up in the centre in case there are emergency carers (or in case the carers there need a little reminder).
I feel like this is a whole new world for us. I’ve been assured that the fallout we are seeing during the week (some loss of language, hyperstimmy behaviour) is quite normal and in fact a good sign that he is holding it together while he is there to an extent. It is incredibly challenging, but I feel it is so important for both of us.
Has your child with autism attended child care? What helped them (and you) adjust to their new scenario?
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
OK, so here is the thing. I get that it’s financial BUT if your children are only attending 1 day per week that makes it a one in seven event. Which at their age, relative to us – would be the (almost) equivalent of us going somewhere every 4-5 months and expecting to remember it all. That’s hard hey? Also – for those readers having children in two settings (‘kindy’ and ‘day care’) is equally as hard on children. TWO sets of expectations but in a similar environment. Tricky. Would you put your children into two schools? With two teachers? And two sets of peers. Yes it’s the ‘same’ but it’s not really is it? It would be pretty confusing to be in two schools, so how much harder is it to be in two early learning environments? Day care centres should be running a quality pre-school programme, thus making the need for two centres unnecessary – a problem seems to be that parents don’t always know how to recognise what it is they want in their children’s early childhood educational experience. I don’t want to sound provocative, just not sure that parents always realise this.
Thankyou for your input Jane. I agree re days per week, was just saying to the hub tonight that if I can pick up enough work I think a second day needs to be priority for them. It is a really long time in between at the moment. – Kate
Boy Child didn’t have his diagnosis when he was in child care but then he wasn’t diagnosed until 6. He changed centresart about 3 and a half which was after we knew he was different.
At the new centre, he needed a lot of time / place to transition so he went directly to the book corner where he stayed for at least 20 mnutes every morning. He also was given Vegemite sandwiches instead of the cooked meal the other kids were given as he has major sensory issues especially with food. I think we were lucky that they worked with what he needed.
So glad they did those things E. our center has been happy to give my boy apples and sandwiches on request too. He actually had a bite of the cooked lunch today too which is a very big deal for him!
– Kate
I love the sign you did for daycare, what a great things to help both your son and the carers out if things get a bit rough.
Not sure how old your son is but from my experience it can taked quite some time. I used to to Family Day care from my home when my son was 14mths through to 26mths and gave it up mostly due to him being very difficult to handle with the other children around. He seems to have a big problem with attachment to me and also cant handle me giving attention to other children so you can imagine it didn’t work out well for us. Since giving it up 6mths ago it is like I have a new child!
The last 6 months my son has been going to Family Day care with an ex college who I know and trust. He started going 2 consecutive days as I found from experience that this made setting in for most children much easier if possible. It took a couple of months before he wasn’t upset all day, then another couple of months before he wouldn’t scream the place down for a while after I left. He now goes 1 day a week and most of the time settles well however some days he starts crying as soon as I park the car and he realises where we are.
During all this we didn’t know he has Autism. I suspected but was in denial. We only got a diagnosis about 2 months ago. He is 2yrs 7mths old.
Hang in there. It is heartbreaking to go through it but worth it in the end. Both Mummy and child need a break and change of scenery occasionally!
Thankyou do much for sharing your experiences Desma.
I have 2 children with Autism and both have attended daycare. We are lucky to have a very supportive daycare centre.
Eldest started when he was 2 years as I do not think he was ready doing 2 days per week. He went for just over 2 years until he started school. He did well at daycare and got alot out of the experience .. especially after he got the inclusion support funding and access to an aide. Our aide was fantastic and combined with visits from our Psychologist every quarter daycare became a really valuable experience for him.
Youngest started 2 days a week at when she was 1 (but she had been coming since she was a baby for pick-ups and drop-offs). She just seemed to love the social aspects and still does. She attends 3 days a week and we are waiting for the funding to be approved for her aide. I am hoping that things will be alot more fulfilling for her with an aide.
Bronwyn that sounds like such a positive place for you all. How great that the centre has been so supportive and proactive! – Kate
My boys have attended from the age of two. My eldest craved the space from me… in fact, he’d stand at the gate and yell to each of the children who’s parents had just pulled in to pick them up… but the millisecond he saw me, he’d run and hide in his room at the end of the building until I walked all the way in. I don’t ever remember him feeling concerned at missing me.
DS 2… was less apathetic but still didn’t mind time away. It’s only now in vacation care we are having issues with him interacting with other children. :/
Let’s not even start on my youngest yet… xxXOoo
I remember my big two would have mornings filled with tears as well. Our family daycare Mum would message me and let me know they were okay. Was SO grateful to my BFF for calling to let me know my boy had stopped crying (she was dropping her daughter off as I left).
We are very grateful to have been accepted into SDN Beranga – which is an autism specific child care centre in Western Sydney. The centre is not open yet (still building it, grrr) but we’ve had the advantage of getting to know the staff (OT, ST, psych) and other families through the 4 playgroups they run each week. The kids are also very comfortable (after a month or so) around the teachers and other kids. They all still have their boundaries, but that’s to be expected.
The introduction letter is a FANTASTIC thing to do – this is what they’re doing for our kids at Beranga – a little book with their likes/dislikes etc. It will go wherever the child goes – e.g. some families have them in ‘regular’ childcare and will take the book over there or to speech or wherever. I think it’s so important to break it down into bullet points – especially for those who haven’t spent time with kids with Autism. While the issues are more complex than a sentence, it’s a good start to understanding.
x
Tracey that sounds so fantastic! I’ll be really interested to read about it when she starts there
I don’t have a child on the spectrum but my 3 year old has a peer with autism in her room at her creche. The carers and other kids are really lovely with him. Talking to his mum, she said he took a good 6 months to be remotely settled on his 2 days a week, but he’s been there about 15 months now and mostly copes well. He has a blankie that he can sit on or under when he needs to be left alone, and its amazing how well the other kids respect this for him. He has quite a lot of language now but he is nearly 4.
I hope it all works out for you … I will continue to send positive thoughts to both you and your little mate.
Thankyou so much Kathy. This really supports my thoughts that it is really a long term transition and I can’t just pull the pin after a couple of months like I would with one of my NT kids. Ideally he would go two days a week so it wasn’t so long between sessions but it is tricky with my irregular income at the moment. Really appreciate your care and concern <3 – Kate
It was oh so hard, I’m getting all teary reading your sign.
Heidi would take Blankie with her and was allowed to spend a certain amount of time hiding under blankie – which effectively blocked everyone around her out.
Looking at Heidi now, so independent, going to school with no worries and I’m glad we had the practice of childcare, a caring environment with her big sister to help her, it was totally worth it.
Thanks Marita. I guess at the moment in this so so hard phase I just need people to tell me that it is going to be okay. I KNOW it is in his (and the whole family’s) best interests, but it is still just so hard. – Kate
Yes, what Twitchy said.
In addition, I asked my son’s psych to visit the centre to assess how autism-friendly it was and to give tips to hold a session with the carers on how to assist my son. The director was welcoming and the carers fiund it helpful because they lacked training in special needs. This benefited other kids whose parents were not doing much integration effort! If it wasn’t for our push, their kids wouldnt even have fotten the special aid. The aid is under my son’s name!
I also make sure to exchange techniques between kindy and daycare. I tell daycare what works at kindy, I tell kindy what works at daycare. Consistency is a must. (my son attends both).
Thankyou Rhonda. We’re ‘lucky’ in that there is a child with autism who attends a different day and has done for a while. When he started all the carers had some basic training and they are all pretty au fait with the kind of behaviours they might see and how best to cope with them. – Kate
Kate that is a beautiful letter you’ve written on behalf of your boy. In our case we were absolutely lost and flying blind because diagnosis was a way off still. We were now dealing with emerging patterns and behaviours that were more acute in a group setting. And though carer staff had meetings with us, accommodated his needs and gave us a referral to a support service, I’ll never know if it was protocol, or lack of knowledge that stopped them suggesting the type of road we were headed down. That confirmation would be another 1-2 years (of muddling through) down the track.
That is really interesting Twitchy… I wonder.
They’ve laminated the letter and have it prominently positioned for days my boyo is there. They were very happy for me to give it to them actually… the director has two children herself with different but similar diagnoses and they are all very caring and interested to know how they can help. – Kate